One Year Later (One Day at a Time)

     It's been a year already since the longest and hardest week of my life.  I learned a lot that week and in the days that followed.  Please allow me to look back and share some of it with you.
     If my daddy had to be sick before he died, I guess this was a blessing.  He avoided doctors and hated being in the hospital.  (A trait his oldest daughter inherited.)  My brother made the decision that Sunday afternoon.  Something was wrong and Daddy had to go to the hospital.  It would be the last week of my dad's life.  No long treatments, no constant visits to doctor's offices and clinics, no weeks or months or years of suffering.  Just this week.
     That day in the ER we suddenly had our last conversation with our father, my mother's husband.  Life support. The unknown thing attacking his body was rapidly taking over.  What it was was a mystery.  We took up residence in the MICU waiting room and began the exhausting process of waiting, answering so many questions from the doctors.   Tests and more tests, and then waiting for just a few days for their answers seemed like longer than eternity. 
     Finally we knew.  Finally it was time to let him go.  The decision was made.  Medicine could not flight this cancer.  We sat beside his bed for less that 48 hours.  We loved on him, cried, remembered, and waited.  One week after it all  began it was over.  My father was in the arms of Jesus, and my mother was a widow.  We went home and began a new walk in life.  All of us aching.  All of us wanting to be together.  All of us wondering, what now?
    As I watched my mom those seven days in the waiting room I saw an incredibly inspiring strength in her.  She would stand tall and face whatever came her way, but when the pressure became too heavy she took off down the hall on what became known as her "power walk."  When she disappeared we knew to leave her alone - we couldn't keep up with her pace anyway!  She assumed the role of matriarch, head of our family, with dignity.  We, her children, found comfort in her quiet assurance.  We came together to hold her up.  We learned how to stand beside her and support her in the toughest times.  We learned how to give her space to grieve what was to come. 
     As the doctors told us more, all the adults were involved in the conversations.  Mom, me, my sister and brother, my daughter, my oldest nephew, my husband, and my sister-in-love would discuss the options laid before us.  Our opinions mattered to her, but she owned the decisions.  We would say to her, "You're the momma," and she gained strength from our support.
    One day at a time became her mantra.  She and daddy shared a love for the song by that name.  During those first days and weeks as she learned what life was now like for her she sang it often.  Today, a year later, I look back at the number of times I have shared her outlook with others.  She has said the words to many women in the last twelve months, allowing God to simply use her to encourage someone else through the terrible pain of loss.
     I always knew my mom as a strong woman.  She has an uncanny ability to accept the pain life offers with secure knowledge that God is in control of the whole thing.  Sure, she sheds tears and hurts deeply.  She gets angry and doesn't understand the whys of the tragedies of life. Leaning heavily on the Lord, though, she is able to get through.
    Three Hundred Sixty-five days later I have learned so much from her.  There is nothing that comes her way she doesn't at least try.  She might not mow grass the same way Daddy did, but that big red lawn tractor is now hers.  Today as I write she is laying carpet tiles in her basement.  Next week she plans to take up and replace the tile in her laundry room.  She has repaired the drain pipe from her HVAC unit.  The list goes on and on.  Her independent spirit drives her to try before asking for help.  She has often told me how angry she gets when she can't do something and has to call one of us.  After all, she's still the momma! 
     My parents were married for 53 years.  For more than the last decade they had been together every day.  The hole left in her heart is huge.  It would be easy, so easy, for her to give in to the sorrow and despair of having to live without the man she had spent her life adoring and being adored by in return.  I watch with pride as she refuses to give in.  Her advice?  Get out of the house every day.  Get up and DO something.  More importantly, remember that God is in control.  After all, we can only take "One day at a time, sweet Jesus.  That's all we're asking from You."
      

The Future

"Do not limit the limitless God!  With Him, face the future unafraid because you are never alone."  Mrs. Charles E. Cowan


     When I read that quote a variety of hymns began to run through my mind.  Specifically two:  I Know Who Holds Tomorrow and No, Never Alone.  As the words to those and other songs tumbled over in my thoughts, the first part of the quote stood out to me.  The words echoed in my head.  I have limits on God.
     That is a very sad statement of fact about myself, but I don't think I am alone.  Let's examine how we live and think.  Do we jump out of bed each morning shouting for joy?  Do we, with total conviction and without the faintest hesitation boldy say, "OK, God.  There's the future.  My future.  I will face it without fear because I know you are there?"
     Probably we are quicker to say, "Well, if He wants me to go there He will have to show me."  Those words have come out of my mouth way too many times!  Like Gideon we throw out our fleece over and over again asking for sign upon sign.  Why?  Why don't we readily do what we know God is telling us to do?  We limit God.
     Do you ever use the excuse - I'm not good enough?  How about - I don't even know where to start?  Or maybe - That's going to take time and/or money I don't have.  Then there is the classic - I don't know enough.  Are you as guilty as me of using excuses to avoid what God has called you to do?
     If God has given you an idea, a burning passion, then just do it.  For me, it was simply picking up a pen and writing.  For some college kids I know it was stuffing backpacks full of sandwiches and hitting the streets to look for hurting, hungry people.  I had no idea when I started writing in that red notebook that my thoughts would end up here for the world to see.  Those kids had no idea that a summer night with nothing else to do would grow into a ministry to homeless people in college communities across the Southeast.
     You don't have enough time or money?  Paul said in Philippians 4:19 that his God can supply all you need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  Are we serving the same God?  One year of our lives has 525,600 minutes.  They tick away quickly.  I waste a lot of them daily.  We need to ask God to keep us focused on the task He has put before us.  Are you really worried about money?  If God has sent you, He will supply.  You simply must believe it.  There is no way He is going to send you out to do His will and then abandon you.  It won't happen.
    I don't know enough about the Bible.  Well, those men Jesus chose to walk with Him were certainly not scholars.  Yet the leaders in Jerusalem saw the boldness of Peter and John, "perceiving they were unlearned and ignorant men."  They had never been to Bible college, but it was evident to all who heard them that they had been with Jesus.  So, what about me?  I never went to Bible college.  When people look at me will they know that I have been with Jesus?  Not if I don't guard my time with Him.  Not if I don't read my Bible.  Not if I don't spend time praying.  Not if I keep making excuses for not stepping out and living the life He has called me to live. 
     Are you limiting God by wasting time and making excuses?  Do you believe you aren't alone as you face the future?  Do you live in fear?  Friend, if we are doing those things we need to ask forgiveness from the One who created us.  I don't know about tomorrow, but I do know the God who holds my future.  I choose to live in the assurance that Jesus loves me and has a plan for my life.  I choose to believe I am never alone, and as I travel the path ahead of me I choose to experience God without limits.  How about you?
    

My Great Adventure

I want to share with you about my great adventure.  Many years ago as a young woman I had a deep desire to teach and speak to ladies about what God is doing in my life.  Sadly, I tabled that desire because I felt useless.  There are other people much wiser, funnier, prettier, popular, and smarter already out there.  About two and a half years ago I spent a day with the Lord.  He had something to tell me, and I was finally ready to listen.  I got my pen and paper and sat down at my kitchen table.  What follows below is from my journal, written on April 13, 2009. 
     "Since doing the Believing God Bible study I have felt Him tugging at my heart.  Gently telling me He wants me to speak to women.  My response was - OK, but they will have to ask me, I'm not going to volunteer.  This morning God just told me to prepare.  Get ready.  I believe with all of my heart this is from God.  I have felt so insecure and beatten down that I know I don't desire to pursue this.  If it is His will, I will follow.  So, now I prepare." 

Then I wrote this: (Think about a train ride as you read.)
Ticket, please.
     I don't have one.  You see, I really don't know where I am going.
Then you're in the right place!
     I am?
Sure!  Welcome to God's Great Adventure Tours.  No one here really knows where they are going.  We just all climb on and go wherever He takes us.
     So you don't know where we're going either?  I thought someone here 
     would tell me.
On, no.  You just have to be willing to go with God.  How's your faith?  He may make some stops you would rather not make, but everywhere I've been I have seen God in ways unexplainable.
     It's scary.
Sure it is!  You're not in control of this trip.  Just leave the driving to Him.  Your job is to be ready when He says it's time.
     Time for what?
Who knows!  That's the Great Adventure!

After that I went through a period where God taught me to examine my passions.  I had to determine what my goal was.  Was it to serve Him faithfully wherever He led?  Was it to do what I thought I could to serve Him?  Was it really to bare my soul, interact, learn from, and teach women?  I finally was able to say, "Wherever He leads, I'll go."

In July of that same year He led me to teach a class of two and three year olds.  Odd.  Not exactly where I thought I was headed.  Still, it was a calling that was heavy on my heart.  This is in my journal from that time.  "I am stepping off the train for this little adventure.  You never know where your ticket is going to take you!"  I have to tell you that I felt led to go to this class of little girls, but I told God that He had to be mistaken.  Wasn't it just a short time ago that I had such a strong desire to teach women?  Yes, and that desire was stronger than ever.  Then I heard Him say - "Do this.  I have something planned for later, but I need you here right now."

Did I hear you shout Glory?!  Well, you should!  The next summer God opened the door for me to teach a ladies Sunday School class at my church.  I went into the class still feeling inadequate.  Despite those feelings, I knew this was where I was supposed to be.  We have been a class for one year now.  There is no way to describe the blessings I get from my wonderful friends.  God has taught me far more than I can ever convey to them, but I try.  I pray that we ladies grown stronger in our walk with Jesus and that we become a powerful force in our community for the cause of Christ. 

I want to encourage you today.  God has a plan for your life.  It might not be the same as your plan, and it may even require a detour or two before you get there.  Follow Him.  Walk with Him.  The old song says it best.  "Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey."

I would love to hear from you - what has your adventure been like? 
Vicki