It is not a situation you would never wish on anyone; however, you wish everyone could experience what you are. Friends and family join forces and rally around to support you. You are bathed in prayer and words of encouragement. It's nothing that can be described, but I am going to try to share a little of it with you.
The first thing I want you to know, is that God is in control of all things in our lives, even the date I got that phone call. In December, Caitlin and Casey had planned for him to visit her the last part of January. He was scheduled to arrive on January 30. Exactly the day I got the call. In fact, he arrived the night before. He was scheduled to leave, was actually on the way to the airport, when I called a few days later to let her know that chemo was in my near future. While we were talking, he pulled the car over, arranged for another flight, and stayed with her. What a blessing!
Hymns and songs of praise became an important comfort to my soul. As you wait and don't know what is happening, it's hard to keep your mind from wandering. A random ache convinces you that the cancer has spread. Stump your toe, and you surely have caused another spot to invade your body. Yes, it's irrational, but fear is irrational. So, just about five hours after I got that call, God arranged for the Hands of Praise group from Caribbean Christian Center for the Deaf in Jamaica was at my church. They are a group of deaf teens and young adults who do sign interpretation to music. They led us in worship through songs like, My Redeemer Lives and Total Praise. I downloaded a BUNCH of new music that night and made a new playlist. I listened to it during the day and while I slept. During those first days I didn't feel like I could breathe without the music. Words of scripture set to music playing over and over. Prayers set to song. Soothing balm to my hurting heart.
When I told my church family that I have cancer, I said these words, "If you want to know how much you are loved, just tell people you have cancer." It's true. I can't tell you the people who have become active parts of my life. I get texts and messages of encouragement daily. Hugs come from people that I would never have expected. I had at least a dozen new Friend requests on FB in just two days! There are cards, emails, and gifts. One friend made me a beautiful blanket declaring the victories cancer cannot have. Another sent me a Willow Tree prayer angel to remind me of all the people praying for me as well as her own constant prayer.
Then I became pro-active. My sweet daughter and her wonderful boyfriend began to research and read. They gave me wisdom and guidance, sending me websites and articles to read. A friend who is also battling cancer gave me advice and shared things she has learned along the way. My husband has jumped on the band-wagon as we make lifestyle changes to eliminate junk and unnecessary chemicals from our diet and home. He even took me on a date to Publix to look for organic food after I had been cooped up in the house all day due to snow! It feels good to do things that can only be good for you.
Finally, the prayer. It's one of those things we take for granted until we need it desperately. God's answer was, "No," to everything we prayed at first. It was a little discouraging, I admit. While I was watching Beth Moore with my small group and I heard to her talk about the two blind men who asked Jesus to heal them. Jesus asked the men, "Do you believe I am able to do this?" Their answer, "Yes, Lord!" Then Jesus replied, "According to your faith be it done to you." Connally and I talked about that scripture in Matthew. We prayed and told God we believe and asked him for good news at my doctor's appointment the next day. I am clinging to the words I heard. "It's overwhelmingly unlikely it has spread." My heart leaps every time I think of them! Yes, I am waiting on CT and bone scan results. Yes, the devil is trying to use them to jab at me and prompt me to cower in fear. No, I will not. God answered that prayer and I am holding to it as hard as I can.
That brings us to today. The snow has delayed us this week. I am supposed to get my port, finally, tomorrow and start chemo tomorrow afternoon. Originally chemo was scheduled for Tuesday, but I couldn't get my port until Wednesday. Then Wednesday, the snow was coming. Today the surgery center is working on their schedule, calling patients to see who will be able to get there tomorrow. I can get there! We are waiting on them to call back and tell us what their new "game plan" is. Ugh. Waiting again...
Isaiah 40:28 - 31 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
