Yesterday morning I saw the most glorious sunrise. When I first went out, there was rain. Clouds were moving by quickly. The sun was just peeking over the mountain. Then the clouds covered it again. As I was about to give in to a dreary day, the clouds parted and the sun burst through. It was so bright it was blinding. It was the most beautiful shade of gold, like a precious offering prepared for a King.
As I basked in its warmth I tried to take in all the colors of the world that it lit up. I had to cover my eyes and turn away from looking directly at the sunrise. It was too much. So many shades of green, orange, yellow, red, blue.....Yes, I thought to myself, "What a wonderful world."
Then I started thinking about it. The sun had been there the whole time. It was moving just like it was supposed to. The clouds had gotten in the way, shading its brilliance. And I had to think about Jesus. He's there all the time. We put so many things between ourselves and him, keeping him from lighting our lives and showing the beauty of what he has given us. The color of our lives. We live in the gray too much of the time.
Why do we do it? It is because we can't stand the light and the things that it reveals? Don't we like to hold on to our little, secret (or not so secret) sins? If we are walking in the light like we are supposed to, those things would be revealed. We would have to admit them. We want to shade them and pretend they aren't there. We like the shadows that comes when we cover the light.
The Bible says, God is the light of the world, and in him there is no darkness as at all. No darkness at all. And Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." No shadows in which to hide.
This afternoon is beautiful. The sky is the perfect shade of blue. The grass is green and freshly mown. The trees are swaying gently in the breeze. Even some of the flowers I planted last year have come back up and are so pretty in my yard. The cows are milling around in the shade. The birds are singing sweetly. I am sitting here enjoying it all. And loving it!
I am convicted, though, that I love looking at the world this way, but I don't allow the Light of the World to invade my thoughts, actions, attitudes, and speech. I pull the blinds down and try to hide. It's much prettier and easier to watch the light shine somewhere else while I sit in the shade sipping my sweet tea. So, I confess to you publically that I will be raising the blinds I have pulled over my heart and allowing the light of Jesus to shine in and reveal things to me. Things I have hidden away from myself and maybe even from you, but never from Him. Things I need to change, and things I need to work on. Things I need to do, and things I need to stop doing.
Will you join me? Will you start allowing the light into your life today?
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
I Didn't Want to be Thankful!
I have not been to Wal-Mart since the first week of February. Since I started on chemo I have avoided crowded places. I go to work and church and try to stay as far away from people as I can. I go to the grocery store, timing my visits when the least amount of people will be there. I have been to a couple of restaurants, but certainly not like before. I'm trying to stay away from germs as much as possible and keep myself healthy so that I don't have to miss a treatment.
Honestly, I don't have that much energy to spend running around. I have become aware of how busy I was staying, and all in the name of what? It's the world we live in, isn't it? Hurry, hurry, hurry. Maybe this forced slowing down of things will help me to be more like those duck hunters....you know....happy, happy, happy.
Happy to get cancer? No way! Two friends told me early on, right at the time of diagnosis, "Thank God for choosing you." HA! No way. I am NOT thankful he chose me. Why? That's what I wanted to know. Why me? I just didn't think there was very much to be thankful for. Oh, how wrong I was.
Lately I have begun to develop a thankful heart. So many things are changing in my life. I will not be returning to school next year. Though it is sad because I love my job so much, I am thankful and excited. I will have more time to write, more time to study, more time.....the list never ends! Here's a little of it: clean closets that stay that way, furniture that is dusted more than once a month, meals prepared at home with that special loving touch, errands run for the family during the day leaving more family time at night, helping my husband with some of his duties, volunteering and getting involved in some mission work, lunch with the girls, a good book.....maybe I will finish those scrapbooks, who knows?
I also am so thankful for good friends. On the first day of this new treatment, God provided in such a beautiful way. As it turns out, apparently you can have a severe allergic reaction to this stuff. My sweet nurse was telling me to let her know if I itched, my heart beat funny, and all that jazz, when my friend who is also on her own cancer journey (and who gave me that Be Thankful advice) came into the treatment room. She sat there for about thirty minutes talking, testifying, laughing and entertaining us. Just long enough for them to decide I wasn't going to react. Just long enough to keep my mind occupied and for me to have something to focus on rather than the possibility that something could go wrong. For that I am so thankful.
When I first told everyone that I had cancer, a friend from way-back-when called and said she wanted to take me to chemo. Wow. That's a sacrifice of time and emotions! For the first few weeks my mom took me. It was good. She needed to take care of me and I needed her to. She has been such a blessing, but I wanted her to have a break, especially now that I have to go weekly. So last week my friend went with me. Even with the Benadryl IV, I talked the whole time. I had so much fun! We talked about her grandchildren, people we know, things God is doing, and she shared some very personal prayer requests with me. Number one, what a blessing to be trusted in such a way. Number two, she texted me today to say God had answered one of those prayers! It brought tears to my eyes, and I am thankful.
I have a dear friend at work who is a seven-year survivor. When my journey began she jumped onto the path beside me. She is a daily source of strength and encouragement. We talk, but sometimes it's just so busy in the office that she will stick her head in, look at me with a question on her face, and nod. I know she's saying, "You ok?" She has done so much for me. Her husband even met with mine for lunch one day just to let him process all this breast cancer stuff from a husband's point of view. She texts me every Sunday morning and wishes me a good day. She's there for me, and I know it well. I am so thankful.
My former boss is now cancer free after beginning her journey this time last year. She is one of those girls who told me to be thankful, and she reminds me by sending cards, and notes, and chocolates! She still has a long road ahead with her reconstruction, which hasn't worked out the way it was supposed to. She saw me this week for the first time, and I could see her surprise at how great I look in my sassy, cinnamon wig. I am thankful for her gentle spirit and support even as she continues her own journey.
Then there's my sweet friend who just finished all her treatments and is now cancer free. A precious woman that I think I have met only once, briefly, but who has such a special place in my heart. Her messages of hope and encouragement keep me going. We have bonded in a way that only cancer survivors can bond because we haven't had time together to bond in any other way! She lives in another city, and I can't wait to go down and have a celebration dinner with her when my treatments are done! I am thankful.
There are so many things to be thankful for. The Easter basket a friend from work showed up at my door with last Sunday. The constant cards of encouragement that come in the mail, many of them from people I haven't seen in a long time. The messages on Face Book at the most random and needed times. The way my husband is constantly trying to make things easier for me. It's finally warm enough to sit on the back porch and enjoy the beauty of nature. (Yes, that is where I have been while writing this). The students from other countries that God sent here for Catalina in the last few months. I'm able to work. I'm able to teach my Sunday School class. I have made so many new friends. I have discovered and rediscovered friends I had taken for granted. The fact that Casey was in Virginia at the exact time when I had to call Caitlin and tell her I have cancer. The meals that show up at the most appreciated times. Friends who text and call to see how I am. Being prayed over by an old friend in the Ace Hardware parking lot.....SO MANY THINGS!
But the question is, am I thankful God chose me? Yes. He is using this journey (Dare I call it an adventure?) to slow me down and show me things that I have been missing. The precious things of life. People. Friends. Family. I am learning to trust Him in new ways. I am not in control, and that's a hard lesson for a girl like me to learn. I have been chosen to walk this path. He created me fearfully and wonderfully. He created me for such a time as this. He has prepared me for over fifty years for this adventure. He has built a foundation of faith that is a firm place for me to stand, and when I can't stand, He pulls me in close under His wing. Yes, I am thankful, so thankful that my God trusts me enough to ask me to walk with Him this way.
Honestly, I don't have that much energy to spend running around. I have become aware of how busy I was staying, and all in the name of what? It's the world we live in, isn't it? Hurry, hurry, hurry. Maybe this forced slowing down of things will help me to be more like those duck hunters....you know....happy, happy, happy.
Happy to get cancer? No way! Two friends told me early on, right at the time of diagnosis, "Thank God for choosing you." HA! No way. I am NOT thankful he chose me. Why? That's what I wanted to know. Why me? I just didn't think there was very much to be thankful for. Oh, how wrong I was.
Lately I have begun to develop a thankful heart. So many things are changing in my life. I will not be returning to school next year. Though it is sad because I love my job so much, I am thankful and excited. I will have more time to write, more time to study, more time.....the list never ends! Here's a little of it: clean closets that stay that way, furniture that is dusted more than once a month, meals prepared at home with that special loving touch, errands run for the family during the day leaving more family time at night, helping my husband with some of his duties, volunteering and getting involved in some mission work, lunch with the girls, a good book.....maybe I will finish those scrapbooks, who knows?
I also am so thankful for good friends. On the first day of this new treatment, God provided in such a beautiful way. As it turns out, apparently you can have a severe allergic reaction to this stuff. My sweet nurse was telling me to let her know if I itched, my heart beat funny, and all that jazz, when my friend who is also on her own cancer journey (and who gave me that Be Thankful advice) came into the treatment room. She sat there for about thirty minutes talking, testifying, laughing and entertaining us. Just long enough for them to decide I wasn't going to react. Just long enough to keep my mind occupied and for me to have something to focus on rather than the possibility that something could go wrong. For that I am so thankful.
When I first told everyone that I had cancer, a friend from way-back-when called and said she wanted to take me to chemo. Wow. That's a sacrifice of time and emotions! For the first few weeks my mom took me. It was good. She needed to take care of me and I needed her to. She has been such a blessing, but I wanted her to have a break, especially now that I have to go weekly. So last week my friend went with me. Even with the Benadryl IV, I talked the whole time. I had so much fun! We talked about her grandchildren, people we know, things God is doing, and she shared some very personal prayer requests with me. Number one, what a blessing to be trusted in such a way. Number two, she texted me today to say God had answered one of those prayers! It brought tears to my eyes, and I am thankful.
I have a dear friend at work who is a seven-year survivor. When my journey began she jumped onto the path beside me. She is a daily source of strength and encouragement. We talk, but sometimes it's just so busy in the office that she will stick her head in, look at me with a question on her face, and nod. I know she's saying, "You ok?" She has done so much for me. Her husband even met with mine for lunch one day just to let him process all this breast cancer stuff from a husband's point of view. She texts me every Sunday morning and wishes me a good day. She's there for me, and I know it well. I am so thankful.
My former boss is now cancer free after beginning her journey this time last year. She is one of those girls who told me to be thankful, and she reminds me by sending cards, and notes, and chocolates! She still has a long road ahead with her reconstruction, which hasn't worked out the way it was supposed to. She saw me this week for the first time, and I could see her surprise at how great I look in my sassy, cinnamon wig. I am thankful for her gentle spirit and support even as she continues her own journey.
Then there's my sweet friend who just finished all her treatments and is now cancer free. A precious woman that I think I have met only once, briefly, but who has such a special place in my heart. Her messages of hope and encouragement keep me going. We have bonded in a way that only cancer survivors can bond because we haven't had time together to bond in any other way! She lives in another city, and I can't wait to go down and have a celebration dinner with her when my treatments are done! I am thankful.
There are so many things to be thankful for. The Easter basket a friend from work showed up at my door with last Sunday. The constant cards of encouragement that come in the mail, many of them from people I haven't seen in a long time. The messages on Face Book at the most random and needed times. The way my husband is constantly trying to make things easier for me. It's finally warm enough to sit on the back porch and enjoy the beauty of nature. (Yes, that is where I have been while writing this). The students from other countries that God sent here for Catalina in the last few months. I'm able to work. I'm able to teach my Sunday School class. I have made so many new friends. I have discovered and rediscovered friends I had taken for granted. The fact that Casey was in Virginia at the exact time when I had to call Caitlin and tell her I have cancer. The meals that show up at the most appreciated times. Friends who text and call to see how I am. Being prayed over by an old friend in the Ace Hardware parking lot.....SO MANY THINGS!
But the question is, am I thankful God chose me? Yes. He is using this journey (Dare I call it an adventure?) to slow me down and show me things that I have been missing. The precious things of life. People. Friends. Family. I am learning to trust Him in new ways. I am not in control, and that's a hard lesson for a girl like me to learn. I have been chosen to walk this path. He created me fearfully and wonderfully. He created me for such a time as this. He has prepared me for over fifty years for this adventure. He has built a foundation of faith that is a firm place for me to stand, and when I can't stand, He pulls me in close under His wing. Yes, I am thankful, so thankful that my God trusts me enough to ask me to walk with Him this way.
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