"You're stupid."

     So, I was at the grocery store the other day waiting behind my car as a young mom put her groceries into her own vehicle parked beside mine.  Her buggy with her two children was pulled between the cars. 
     That's when it happened.  I think the child was about three years old.  She turned in her seat, looked straight at me and said, "You're stupid."  What do you say to that?  I just replied, "Oh!  I'm sorry."  As her mother was processing what was happening, turning back and forth to get more bags to put into her car, the big brother said to me, "She's bad.  She has to sit in time out a lot."
     It was that point the mother turned around and called the little girl's name.  That's all.  No apology. No reprimand.  Just continuing her task of loading up her groceries.  And there I stood.  Awkward. 
     What do you do?  Now, I know that kids say the darndest things.  They can embarrass the life out of you, reveal family secrets in the most inappropriate situations, ask questions in public you can only wish they had waited until you were home to ask....but.  But, to allow your child to be rude and not do anything right then, right there, to correct the behavior is only asking for trouble down the road.
     I wanted to say to that young mom, "Honey, I see you must have your hands full with this little beauty.  (She was a pretty child and I don't mean that to sound as sarcastic as it reads.) However, if you continue to allow her to say rude things to people and receive no correction from you, you are only setting yourself up for major heartache as she grows."  Perhaps she fussed at her after I left.  Perhaps she sat her in time out again when they got home.  Perhaps mom had been correcting her all day and she was at her wits end by four o'clock in the afternoon and didn't know what else to do except cry.  I have no idea what happened. 
     What I do know is that the Bible instructs us older women to get involved in the lives of younger women.  To offer our wisdom and guidance.  To teach what we have learned.  To encourage and uplift.  To be available for them to call when they need a shoulder, an ear, or advice.  As I think back on that young mom in the grocery store parking lot, I hope she has someone to turn to.  I hope she has an older woman she can run to and seek help from when she doesn't know what to do with her strong-willed preschooler. 
     The other part of the story that saddens me is the brother's comment.  "She's bad."  Wonder why he said that.  He was only five.  He told me so.  He goes to kindergarten this year!  He was proud of that.  I'm afraid he was repeating the description he hears from his parents about his sister.  Which raises the question, if children generally will rise to the standard we set for them, what's next for her? 
     I'm sure this post will outrage everyone who reads it in one way or another.  I want you to know I am not ranting here to cause that reaction.  I am writing all this to say:
     Be careful with your children.  Discipline them when necessary, and use words that give them encouragement and aspiration.  When they embarrass you, know that mothers for generations have wanted the earth to open and swallow them up at some point because of something that came out of their child's mouth.  Apologize nicely and keep going, but don't allow the behavior to continue.  Young moms, seek out the older women in your life.  Beg them to pour into your life.  Older women, don't be afraid to step up and offer friendship to these young women.  Take the initiative!  Build relationships and live out your calling from the Lord as given in Titus 2. 

⁴ Then they (older women) can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

     All that said, the part that bothered me most of the whole situation was the brother calling the little sister bad. I just said we need to give our children aspirations.  What does that mean?  Webster's definition is: "a strong desire to achieve something high or great."   Words heal and words hurt.  Even though my accusation came from a three-year-old, her words stung as they hit me that day.  As parents, we have a tough job.  Again I say, be careful!  While we must be firm and not allow improper behavior, I believe the worst thing you can do is use negative words to describe your child.  If the brother was repeating what he had heard, what does she have to aspire to? 
     Whatever you do, don't call your children bad, stupid, or mean....
     Jesus never called you those things.