The End and The Beginning

     Today is the day.  My last radiation treatment.  To say I am excited would be an understatement.  It's been a long year, and some of the days were harder than others, but I made it!
     It seems like ages ago when I saw the look on the mammographer's face that day.  Then, as the next lady did the ultrasound and had that sad look on her face, I knew.  You just know.  Later that day, my third medical person, the radiologist, called to tell me to see a surgeon as soon as possible.  People tried to comfort me that "when they do these things, there are a lot of false positives," until they found out I went to a women's specialty imaging center.  Oh.  They know what they are looking at. 
     I knew. 

     On Valentine's Day I got my port and went straight to chemo.  Remember those days of snow and ice that we couldn't seem to escape back in February?  They delayed and delayed the start of my treatment.  It was frustrating, but God's timing is perfect.  Then I had to miss my trip to Haiti this summer, but the sweet messages I got from my friends there, with their prayers and support, are something I wouldn't trade anything for. 
     I will not tell you it has been easy.  I have had my solid family holding me up.  I have had the best girlfriends supporting me.   My church family constantly offers words of encouragement and prayer.  It's important to have a lot of people around you.  There were days when I just wanted to stay in bed and survive the day.  There were days when I felt better.  The fatigue of radiation has caused me to sleep a LOT lately.  The burns finally broke open right at the very end, but the doctor gave me some really good medicine that is making them all better. 
     As I neared the end of treatment, I had some concerns.  After seven and a half-months of going to doctors, being poked, monitored, scanned, poisoned, and radiated, I will finally have a few weeks with no medical personnel or offices in my routine.  Did they know what they were doing?  Was it enough?  How do they know?  Was the surgery enough?  Should I have pushed for more?  Now what do I do? 
     The truth is, these questions did cross my mind.  More than once.  BUT GOD.  My faith and trust is in The Great Physcian, not the doctor-man.  God allowed me to have a primary care doctor who is a Believer and cared enough to send me to the very best.  She prayed for me.  My surgeon prayed for me.  He told me so.  I have the best oncologists around.  I have been placed, through God's providence, with the best medical team I could have hoped for. 
      I could camp out here and worry about myself if I so chose.  I do not so choose.  I choose to live.  There is much I want to do.  Today I chose to get on with it.  I've been ready for a few days now, so today I took the big step of going topless!  You know, no hat!  I finally have some eyelashes again, so I went yesterday and bought some healthy makeup.  This grey hair needs some bold contrast!  Here's my new look....

     When you go through a trial like cancer, you see God in ways you never thought of before.  I honestly think it is because you are looking for Him a little harder.  For me, I learned more and more about the beauty of the network of people He has placed in my life.  Friends I had lost touch with are now too important to lose track of again.  I have a box full of cards that I have received this year.  Some of them have long handwritten notes of love and some are simple expressions of encouragement.  It's a wonderful feeling to know people care for you.
     Today I got a text from a sweet friend who has taken this journey before me, a phone call from another friend who has called to check on me every time I had a doctor's appointment, and an email from one of the most enthusiastic encouragers around.  Just because they remembered that today is an important day for me and they wanted to cheer me on.
     My prayer is that through all of this I have learned and will never forget the importance of offering words of love and encouragement.  I know there will be another woman behind me who will hear those fateful words, "It's cancer."  I pray God will use me.  Of course, it reminds me of a song!  It's an old one, and I admit that I found it boring at times when we sang it in church when I was younger, but today...today it speaks what is in my heart.  Here it is:

1 Take my life, lead me, Lord;
Take my life, lead me, Lord;
Make my life useful to Thee.
Take my life, lead me, Lord;
Take my life, lead me, Lord;
Make my life useful to Thee.

2 Take my life, teach me, Lord;
Take my life, teach me, Lord;
Make my life useful to Thee.
Take my life, teach me, Lord;
Take my life, teach me, Lord;
Make my life useful to Thee.

3 Here am I, send me, Lord;
Here am I, send me, Lord;
Make my life useful to Thee.
Here am I, send me, Lord;
Here am I, send me, Lord;
Make my life useful to Thee.