Well, my latest adventure took me no further than my very own back porch. I was out there yesterday enjoying the beautiful colors of the mountain behind me and had a blanket wrapped around me to ward of the November chill that has finally arrived. I had my Bible and my prayer journal. The birds were flying around like a storm was coming (it was), and Jack was convinced I was going to leave him alone again, so he kept coming to make sure I was still there. God and I were communing and I was totally overtaken by the remembrances of His faithfulness to me.
I started singing some songs. Old hymns at first. Then I pulled up Damaris Carbaugh and the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir's version of "He's Been Faithful." Oh, how He has been faithful to me! Even in my darkest times, those times I couldn't find my way except for Him. I could go on and on about that song, about His faithfulness, about so many things, but what I want to tell you is...
I just sat there and sang as loud as I could. It wasn't pretty. But it was heartfelt. I used to sing, loved to. Was always in a choir or group. I wasn't the best, nor was I the worst. I still sing, but it's more of a joyful noise these days. Music is such a simple way to express yourself. It conveys truth. It conveys emotion.
I think my neighbors were outside, and I even think the people in the neighborhood south of us could hear me. But I didn't care. I was singing to the Lord!
This morning I was thinking again about music and how life is like a piece of music. God creates the orchestration and stands to conduct. I must keep my eyes on Him for cues that are subtle or obvious. I must be able to read the music so I know where to put my fingers on the keys. (I will use the piano as my instrument since I have no knowledge of how to make another work.) It takes practice. It means I have to concentrate. I have to be intentional. Deliberate.
When you look at a music score, if you don't know how to read music, it will just look like a jumble of black and white lines with little characters drawn all over. You will see some words, but you won't know what they mean until you learn the vocabulary. There will be symbols that mean nothing until you understand how they lead you to play the music.
And such is life. God has created us to live and He has given us a guide. We have to read it. We have to follow the directions therein. For example, music will get softer or louder to emphasize what the composer is wanting expressed. Sometimes life is easier and sometimes busier. Another example is the time signature. It's right there at the beginning of the piece and sets the rhythm for the composition. I have played pieces where the time signature changed in the middle of the piece. Isn't that true of life? Sometimes, for a season, we have to switch up the rhythm. Usually it's just for a few bars of the piece and then the original timing is resumed. Sometimes the composer gives us freedom to interpret. He may allow us to hold onto a note for a few extra beats. Or He may give us total ad lib rights.
God expects us to read His Word to us and follow it. He whispers sometimes. Sometimes He has to write it across the sky to get our attention. He sets the pace for us on the path He has chosen for us and walks with us the whole way. Sometimes He mixes it up a little and tosses the basket. Perhaps to make us a uncomfortable with the complacency that has overtaken us or to move us into a new season of service. He may allow things to rock along like they are for a long time. And then He fills our hearts to overflowing so all we can do is open our mouths and sing with abandon of His faithfulness and our love for Him.
I have found, friend, that when my eyes are focused fully on my conductor my life flows better. There are fewer missed notes. I stay in rhythm and what people receive is a beautiful melody declaring God's love. I strive to learn more and more. I practice by reading His Word. I practice by praying daily. And, do you know what? I get better at those things the more I do them!
If you are playing with a group, like I did in the Pianorama so many years ago, you MUST follow the conductor. If you don't you end up messing up the music for everyone. The conductor demands your attention and he leads with gentle authority. My friend Monty's dad was the conductor back then, and I remember not wanting to disappoint him. Later when he was in church where I was playing a piece he had written, my hands began to sweat and I shook all over like it was twenty below zero. I wasn't expecting him there, but I wanted him to be pleased.
We must ask ourselves a couple of questions.
1. Am I preparing by learning to read the composition placed before me? In other words, am I reading my Bible?
2. Am I in-tune with the conductor and composer? Am I praying and focusing on God?
And finally, am I willing to abandon the idea of what people think and enjoy the ad lib as I sing out loud to proclaim my thanks for His faithfulness?
Make a joyful NOISE unto the Lord...come before His presence with singing. Psalm 100:1-2
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Just Blowing Smoke
Know how to get your blood pumping early in the morning???
Just turn the HVAC unit in your hotel room to heat for the first time of the season. Yeah. I did that. And a cloud of smoky dust propelled itself into the room. Which, naturally and of course, set the smoke alarm off. I think I literally jumped into the air in shock and surprise. My first thought was, "Great. I've set the hotel on fire." My second thought was more logical... Turn the machine off.
I did so, thus stopping any additional smoky dust from blowing into the room. Then I tried waving my hand at the smoke detector way above my head in a futile attempt to stop the loud blast of alarm blaring forth. I laughed at myself as I did so. But before I could get to a bath towel to help fan away the guilty dusty cloud, the alarm stopped.
So, I called the front desk. After all, I was not prepared for anyone to burst into my room to put out a fire that didn't exist. I hadn't had my shower. I hadn't had my coffee. I didn't even have my glasses on yet.
My conversation with the front desk went something like this:
Me: Hello, I'm in room 310 and I just turned my unit to heat but it blew a cloud of dust and smoke and set the smoke detector off. I figured you might be seeing an alert down there.
Lady: Well, I'm supposed to, but I'm not. It hasn't been working right lately.
Me: Ok. I just wanted to let you know.
Lady: Thank you.
Ummmmmm... Not the most comforting thought. If the hotel WERE on fire, would they know it? Anyway, that's not the point of this post. The point is, when the heat is on, when you find yourself under pressure, what comes out?
When life gets tough and it feels like you can't please anyone, when there just aren't enough hours or days, when you don't know where the money will come from, when everyone expects everything immediately, do you spew out a messy stinky mess that makes people not want to be around you? Are your words harsh? Is your attitude one of bitterness? Do you attack anyone who enters your space? Do your defenses go up causing people to have to work that much harder to offer their friendship and support?
OR
Like the old adage says, do you make lemonade from your lemons? When you are squeezed do people taste the sweet nectar of trust in One greater than yourself? Do they see you yield control to the One who holds the whole world in His hands?
Friends, the entire sequence of events with that heat unit lasted less than five seconds. It was quick. The smoke and dust blew out. I turned the machine off. The alarm went off. Less than five seconds. But the smell lasted the rest of our visit. The room smelled like scorched cheese. Have you ever made a grilled cheese sandwich and had a drop of melted cheese stick to the bottom of the pan and burn? That was the smell. Nasty.
In the interest of full disclosure, I want you to know I did try to cover up the smell. We try to cover up our stinky messes too, don't we? I had some of that bathroom spray that is supposed to eliminate any hint you were there if you spritz it before you sit. I sprayed it around the room. It helped a little, but didn't clear the smell completely. And that's what happens when we try to cover up the mess we make when we get fired up from the pressure life brings us.
Can I encourage you today to expect the heat? If the hotel crew had thought ahead and realized people were going to be cold when the temperature dropped and cleaned the units in preparation for winter, this wouldn't have happened. If we stay close to our Heavenly Father, reading his Word, praying, when the pressure comes, we will be prepared and know who we can trust to walk through the fire with us. The heat will come. Life will get rough. But you can and will get through when you are prepared.
Just turn the HVAC unit in your hotel room to heat for the first time of the season. Yeah. I did that. And a cloud of smoky dust propelled itself into the room. Which, naturally and of course, set the smoke alarm off. I think I literally jumped into the air in shock and surprise. My first thought was, "Great. I've set the hotel on fire." My second thought was more logical... Turn the machine off.
I did so, thus stopping any additional smoky dust from blowing into the room. Then I tried waving my hand at the smoke detector way above my head in a futile attempt to stop the loud blast of alarm blaring forth. I laughed at myself as I did so. But before I could get to a bath towel to help fan away the guilty dusty cloud, the alarm stopped.
So, I called the front desk. After all, I was not prepared for anyone to burst into my room to put out a fire that didn't exist. I hadn't had my shower. I hadn't had my coffee. I didn't even have my glasses on yet.
My conversation with the front desk went something like this:
Me: Hello, I'm in room 310 and I just turned my unit to heat but it blew a cloud of dust and smoke and set the smoke detector off. I figured you might be seeing an alert down there.
Lady: Well, I'm supposed to, but I'm not. It hasn't been working right lately.
Me: Ok. I just wanted to let you know.
Lady: Thank you.
Ummmmmm... Not the most comforting thought. If the hotel WERE on fire, would they know it? Anyway, that's not the point of this post. The point is, when the heat is on, when you find yourself under pressure, what comes out?
When life gets tough and it feels like you can't please anyone, when there just aren't enough hours or days, when you don't know where the money will come from, when everyone expects everything immediately, do you spew out a messy stinky mess that makes people not want to be around you? Are your words harsh? Is your attitude one of bitterness? Do you attack anyone who enters your space? Do your defenses go up causing people to have to work that much harder to offer their friendship and support?
OR
Like the old adage says, do you make lemonade from your lemons? When you are squeezed do people taste the sweet nectar of trust in One greater than yourself? Do they see you yield control to the One who holds the whole world in His hands?
Friends, the entire sequence of events with that heat unit lasted less than five seconds. It was quick. The smoke and dust blew out. I turned the machine off. The alarm went off. Less than five seconds. But the smell lasted the rest of our visit. The room smelled like scorched cheese. Have you ever made a grilled cheese sandwich and had a drop of melted cheese stick to the bottom of the pan and burn? That was the smell. Nasty.
In the interest of full disclosure, I want you to know I did try to cover up the smell. We try to cover up our stinky messes too, don't we? I had some of that bathroom spray that is supposed to eliminate any hint you were there if you spritz it before you sit. I sprayed it around the room. It helped a little, but didn't clear the smell completely. And that's what happens when we try to cover up the mess we make when we get fired up from the pressure life brings us.
Can I encourage you today to expect the heat? If the hotel crew had thought ahead and realized people were going to be cold when the temperature dropped and cleaned the units in preparation for winter, this wouldn't have happened. If we stay close to our Heavenly Father, reading his Word, praying, when the pressure comes, we will be prepared and know who we can trust to walk through the fire with us. The heat will come. Life will get rough. But you can and will get through when you are prepared.
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
The Unknown
Hey, friends! I knew it had been a while since I had written, but I didn't realize half a year had passed. Well, it's been crazy busy, but life is finally settling back into its rhythm. I have made some notes of things I want to write about, and will try to be more regular about that.
Today I am, naturally, sitting on the back porch this morning listening to the bugs sing their end-of-summer songs. It's cloudy and not hot with rain expected this afternoon. We could use it! There are plenty of chores awaiting me inside and outside, but today, this is what I am doing.
I wanted to check in with you and encourage you a little bit about the unknown. I have an unknown in my life right now. I have no control of the situation. I have many questions. I have no answers. I don't know what is going to happen.
Do you ever feel that way? I know you do! We all do. And those of us who like to be in control probably have a little more trouble in these situations that you who are more que sera.sera types. I think, though, if we are totally honest, the unknown brings with it a certain amount of anxiety and distress, no matter our personality.
So. What I have chosen to do is wait on the Lord. He ultimately is in control and He has my best interests at heart. He is on my side. And if He is for me, who can be against me. Right? I'm going to ride the wave and see where it takes me. I am going to let go and let God.
Because the alternative is an ugly prospect. If I let this little unknown become a sore spot in my life, it will quickly become very aggravating to me. If I continue to pick at it, analyzing it, trying to make it happen my way, I will cause the soreness to go deeper, grow, and be visible to others. If I persist in fretting over it, I may cause an infection that spreads - not just in my own life, but in the lives of my family and friends.
As I am writing this, Proverbs 3:5-6 keeps repeating in my thoughts. I believe it's the answer to the unknown. "Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and do not rely on your own understanding: think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths."
I looked up que sera, sera in the Urban Dictionary. This is what is says: "This is something you say when you are stuck in a hopelessly unchangeable situation, but have come to accept, or even embrace the unchangability of it all. This is similar to the phrase "it is what it is." Whatever will be, will be.
Let go and let God take control of your unknown. Trusting Him is hard, but I've done it before and He brought me through. I know He won't fail me now!
(I feel I need to make a disclaimer that this has nothing to do with my health...got the all clear from my doctors again last week!)
Today I am, naturally, sitting on the back porch this morning listening to the bugs sing their end-of-summer songs. It's cloudy and not hot with rain expected this afternoon. We could use it! There are plenty of chores awaiting me inside and outside, but today, this is what I am doing.
I wanted to check in with you and encourage you a little bit about the unknown. I have an unknown in my life right now. I have no control of the situation. I have many questions. I have no answers. I don't know what is going to happen.
Do you ever feel that way? I know you do! We all do. And those of us who like to be in control probably have a little more trouble in these situations that you who are more que sera.sera types. I think, though, if we are totally honest, the unknown brings with it a certain amount of anxiety and distress, no matter our personality.
So. What I have chosen to do is wait on the Lord. He ultimately is in control and He has my best interests at heart. He is on my side. And if He is for me, who can be against me. Right? I'm going to ride the wave and see where it takes me. I am going to let go and let God.
Because the alternative is an ugly prospect. If I let this little unknown become a sore spot in my life, it will quickly become very aggravating to me. If I continue to pick at it, analyzing it, trying to make it happen my way, I will cause the soreness to go deeper, grow, and be visible to others. If I persist in fretting over it, I may cause an infection that spreads - not just in my own life, but in the lives of my family and friends.
As I am writing this, Proverbs 3:5-6 keeps repeating in my thoughts. I believe it's the answer to the unknown. "Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and do not rely on your own understanding: think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths."
I looked up que sera, sera in the Urban Dictionary. This is what is says: "This is something you say when you are stuck in a hopelessly unchangeable situation, but have come to accept, or even embrace the unchangability of it all. This is similar to the phrase "it is what it is." Whatever will be, will be.
Let go and let God take control of your unknown. Trusting Him is hard, but I've done it before and He brought me through. I know He won't fail me now!
(I feel I need to make a disclaimer that this has nothing to do with my health...got the all clear from my doctors again last week!)
Monday, February 20, 2017
Be Careful What You Pray For
We've all heard the phrase, be careful what you wish for. The implication being that you just might get what you wish for.
I'm here to warn you, be careful what you pray for. For the Lord just may use that prayer to reveal truths that you wish you hadn't asked for!
I love how the Lord sees so much more that we ever will. His view is eternal. Mine is limited to time and space. Feelings and emotions. Circumstances and surroundings. Actions and reactions. And I am beyond grateful that His view is what comes into focus when He answers my prayers.
You see, I've been praying about something. Two somethings, actually. And He answered them both at the same time in a way I wasn't really prepared for. To be completely honest, it kinda rattled my world. Well, to be completely honest, not kinda, it totally rocked my world. Earthquake style.
To say I was a little shocked would be an understatement. I immediately reacted and in the same instant took a deep breath while realizing this was an answer to two prayers. I wanted to say, "NO!" At the same time I screamed, "YES!"
It hurt a little. It hurt a lot. Yet, at the same time, it brought great healing. Romans 8:31 says, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" So even when an answered prayer seems to be against me, God is for me. And He is for you. He's in your corner. In my corner. And He answers our prayers in the way that will grow our faith and glorify Him.
For the last few days God has been constantly reminding me that He listens when I pray and is very aware of me and my concerns. Just a couple of nights ago I couldn't sleep. We had a pressing issue and it woke me up around three a.m. So I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. Fitfully. Restlessly. It felt like I was wrestling with Him until suddenly a scripture crossed my mind. Truth. A promise. You know the coolest thing? After that verse crossed my mind, I fell straight into the deepest and most restful sleep I've had in a long time.
Even more cool than that, yesterday I saw that prayer answered. Early. God is so good!
Sometimes the answers are unexpected and a little painful. Maybe a lot painful. Sometimes the answers are early, and sometimes we have to wait and wait and wait.
The most important thing we can remember is that God is on our side. He hears us when we call. And call we must. Step into your war-room, friend, and cry out to Jesus. He's waiting.
I'm here to warn you, be careful what you pray for. For the Lord just may use that prayer to reveal truths that you wish you hadn't asked for!
I love how the Lord sees so much more that we ever will. His view is eternal. Mine is limited to time and space. Feelings and emotions. Circumstances and surroundings. Actions and reactions. And I am beyond grateful that His view is what comes into focus when He answers my prayers.
You see, I've been praying about something. Two somethings, actually. And He answered them both at the same time in a way I wasn't really prepared for. To be completely honest, it kinda rattled my world. Well, to be completely honest, not kinda, it totally rocked my world. Earthquake style.
To say I was a little shocked would be an understatement. I immediately reacted and in the same instant took a deep breath while realizing this was an answer to two prayers. I wanted to say, "NO!" At the same time I screamed, "YES!"
It hurt a little. It hurt a lot. Yet, at the same time, it brought great healing. Romans 8:31 says, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" So even when an answered prayer seems to be against me, God is for me. And He is for you. He's in your corner. In my corner. And He answers our prayers in the way that will grow our faith and glorify Him.
For the last few days God has been constantly reminding me that He listens when I pray and is very aware of me and my concerns. Just a couple of nights ago I couldn't sleep. We had a pressing issue and it woke me up around three a.m. So I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. Fitfully. Restlessly. It felt like I was wrestling with Him until suddenly a scripture crossed my mind. Truth. A promise. You know the coolest thing? After that verse crossed my mind, I fell straight into the deepest and most restful sleep I've had in a long time.
Even more cool than that, yesterday I saw that prayer answered. Early. God is so good!
Sometimes the answers are unexpected and a little painful. Maybe a lot painful. Sometimes the answers are early, and sometimes we have to wait and wait and wait.
The most important thing we can remember is that God is on our side. He hears us when we call. And call we must. Step into your war-room, friend, and cry out to Jesus. He's waiting.
Monday, February 6, 2017
Climbing Out of the Boat
I never really learned to swim. Jumping off the diving board and playing in the water never excited or intrigued me. I can swim enough to get from side to side of the pool. Even when I am soaking up sun on a float, I constantly stay aware of where I am in case I tip off - don't want to be in the deep end for that!
The deep end. Totally immersed. Water above, below, all around. I never watched Titanic because I think the worst way to die would be drowning. I hate when I'm watching shows and there is a drowning scene. I try to stay out of the deep end.
I have found myself to be safely floating along in my cozy little boat on a peaceful little river with a surface like glass reflecting the surrounding mountains and bright sun rays...and there God is, bidding me to climb out. Is he crazy?! Doesn't he know it's dangerous out there?! Doesn't he know I can't swim?! Surely he is calling someone else, not me. Yeah, that's got to be the answer. He has me mistaken for someone else.
Yet, here I am, climbing over the side. Ever so gently testing the waters, so to speak, and hoping for solid footing. Even on the water. Because He has reminded me it's not about how well I can swim but whether my eyes are on Him.
With my eyes locked onto His, I am taking the cautious first step. Hoping beyond hope that I have learned from Peter's mistake and I won't get distracted and look away - not even the slightest glance away. I dare not blink.
What's the purpose? Why can't I just paddle my way over to where you are, Lord? Why do I have to leave my relative safety and step out where I've never been before?
Two songs, both water themed, have been consuming me the past few days. Both reminding me as they play over and over in my thoughts that God is calling me. Out upon the water. Into a great unknown. Where feet may fall. And there I find you in the mystery....there I find HIM in the mystery. It's not for me to know. It IS for me to obey. (That song is Oceans, in case you were wondering.) The other song is called Walking on Water. And it simply states, I'm walking on water, my eyes on you. I'm walking on water, coming after YOU.
I can honestly tell you, it's all still a great mystery right now. I'm not sure what lies ahead of me, but I am beyond excited for a new adventure! So, my eyes are fixed on Jesus. And I suppose I am going to be going deeper than my feet could ever wander. And I know that through it my faith will absolutely be made stronger.
Like I said, I'm not sure of it all just yet, but I felt that by sharing this I may encourage someone else to get out of the boat. For me, I think it has something to do with boldness. Boldness to be an example. Boldness to speak up in love. Boldness to venture into new territory and teach with the passion God has given me. To be open and honest about my own walk with the Lord in a way I never have before.
But you have to know that as I planned to write today and share what God is doing, Satan tried to derail me. He was quick to tell me what a failure I am. A real disappointment. Unusable. A distraction instead of a light.
But God. Oh, those precious words! But God affirmed and reaffirmed what He is teaching me. Not revealing the goal, but reminding me to keep my eyes on the prize.
So, here goes nothin'! I'm climbing over the side of my secure, comfortable, happy place and stepping into the new adventure God has for me. I really hope you'll climb over the side that is keeping you safe and secure and come with me on your own adventure. Let's see what God has in store for those who trust Him!
Stay tuned! I'll let you know what happens next!
The deep end. Totally immersed. Water above, below, all around. I never watched Titanic because I think the worst way to die would be drowning. I hate when I'm watching shows and there is a drowning scene. I try to stay out of the deep end.
I have found myself to be safely floating along in my cozy little boat on a peaceful little river with a surface like glass reflecting the surrounding mountains and bright sun rays...and there God is, bidding me to climb out. Is he crazy?! Doesn't he know it's dangerous out there?! Doesn't he know I can't swim?! Surely he is calling someone else, not me. Yeah, that's got to be the answer. He has me mistaken for someone else.
Yet, here I am, climbing over the side. Ever so gently testing the waters, so to speak, and hoping for solid footing. Even on the water. Because He has reminded me it's not about how well I can swim but whether my eyes are on Him.
With my eyes locked onto His, I am taking the cautious first step. Hoping beyond hope that I have learned from Peter's mistake and I won't get distracted and look away - not even the slightest glance away. I dare not blink.
What's the purpose? Why can't I just paddle my way over to where you are, Lord? Why do I have to leave my relative safety and step out where I've never been before?
Two songs, both water themed, have been consuming me the past few days. Both reminding me as they play over and over in my thoughts that God is calling me. Out upon the water. Into a great unknown. Where feet may fall. And there I find you in the mystery....there I find HIM in the mystery. It's not for me to know. It IS for me to obey. (That song is Oceans, in case you were wondering.) The other song is called Walking on Water. And it simply states, I'm walking on water, my eyes on you. I'm walking on water, coming after YOU.
I can honestly tell you, it's all still a great mystery right now. I'm not sure what lies ahead of me, but I am beyond excited for a new adventure! So, my eyes are fixed on Jesus. And I suppose I am going to be going deeper than my feet could ever wander. And I know that through it my faith will absolutely be made stronger.
Like I said, I'm not sure of it all just yet, but I felt that by sharing this I may encourage someone else to get out of the boat. For me, I think it has something to do with boldness. Boldness to be an example. Boldness to speak up in love. Boldness to venture into new territory and teach with the passion God has given me. To be open and honest about my own walk with the Lord in a way I never have before.
But you have to know that as I planned to write today and share what God is doing, Satan tried to derail me. He was quick to tell me what a failure I am. A real disappointment. Unusable. A distraction instead of a light.
But God. Oh, those precious words! But God affirmed and reaffirmed what He is teaching me. Not revealing the goal, but reminding me to keep my eyes on the prize.
So, here goes nothin'! I'm climbing over the side of my secure, comfortable, happy place and stepping into the new adventure God has for me. I really hope you'll climb over the side that is keeping you safe and secure and come with me on your own adventure. Let's see what God has in store for those who trust Him!
Stay tuned! I'll let you know what happens next!
Friday, January 20, 2017
It's Been Three Years!
I'll never forget it. The day of my regular mammogram three years ago today.
As I was leaving the house I had something more than the normal jitters. I remember stopping just before I walked out the door and the overwhelming feeling - no, knowledge - that today was different.
I had been going to this women's center for years. And even though it was only once a year, there was still familiarity with the staff. So, when the lady doing the mammogram looked at her screen with the faintest glimpse of concern, I knew. I knew she saw something.
Then when she had me wait and came back to tell me I was going straight to ultrasound...I knew.
As I laid there and prayed, "God! Please don't let them find anything!" I knew. I was keenly aware of His presence in the room. Calming me. Assuring me that along this journey He would be right beside me all the way.
I went home to wait for the call from the radiologist. You know they don't normally call you the same day. But today I was told he would call me around 3:00. He did. And with gentle urgency he simply said, "Vicki, you need to see a surgeon as soon as possible."
After that, life became a whirlwind of appointments. Doctor and test. Doctor and test. Doctor and test. Then the briefing and the plan. I cried a lot during those couple weeks. The unknown brings fear. My husband and I often sat together quietly. Then we cried. Then we tried to live normally, but normal was different now.
I remember one night in the grocery store just breaking down in tears. Not in sobs, just uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. When Connally asked me what was wrong, I could only say, "I want to buy groceries for you for years to come and I don't know if I will get to."
On the day we met with my oncologist for the briefing and treatment plan I asked God to let us get some good news. It seemed like everyone had been giving us the worst. The doctor looked me in the eye and said, "If it hasn't spread it is treatable, and it hasn't spread." I felt the smile overtake my face and my heart as I instantly knew God had answered my prayer. Those last three words were the hope I needed so desperately.
I learned so much about the Lord during this journey. I have a coffee mug that was given to me twenty-eight years ago after another tough season of life. The poem on it goes like this:
As I was leaving the house I had something more than the normal jitters. I remember stopping just before I walked out the door and the overwhelming feeling - no, knowledge - that today was different.
I had been going to this women's center for years. And even though it was only once a year, there was still familiarity with the staff. So, when the lady doing the mammogram looked at her screen with the faintest glimpse of concern, I knew. I knew she saw something.
Then when she had me wait and came back to tell me I was going straight to ultrasound...I knew.
As I laid there and prayed, "God! Please don't let them find anything!" I knew. I was keenly aware of His presence in the room. Calming me. Assuring me that along this journey He would be right beside me all the way.
I went home to wait for the call from the radiologist. You know they don't normally call you the same day. But today I was told he would call me around 3:00. He did. And with gentle urgency he simply said, "Vicki, you need to see a surgeon as soon as possible."
After that, life became a whirlwind of appointments. Doctor and test. Doctor and test. Doctor and test. Then the briefing and the plan. I cried a lot during those couple weeks. The unknown brings fear. My husband and I often sat together quietly. Then we cried. Then we tried to live normally, but normal was different now.
I remember one night in the grocery store just breaking down in tears. Not in sobs, just uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. When Connally asked me what was wrong, I could only say, "I want to buy groceries for you for years to come and I don't know if I will get to."
On the day we met with my oncologist for the briefing and treatment plan I asked God to let us get some good news. It seemed like everyone had been giving us the worst. The doctor looked me in the eye and said, "If it hasn't spread it is treatable, and it hasn't spread." I felt the smile overtake my face and my heart as I instantly knew God had answered my prayer. Those last three words were the hope I needed so desperately.
I learned so much about the Lord during this journey. I have a coffee mug that was given to me twenty-eight years ago after another tough season of life. The poem on it goes like this:
The Lord is always by my side
My gentle shepherd, constant guide,
My Master, Teacher, Faithful Friend,
His loving kindness knows no end.
It's so true. Through chemo and the sickness and effects it brings to radiation and the debilitating fatigue and burns on my skin to today as a three-year survivor, the Lord has walked every step with me. I give Him the glory for my recovery. I praise Him for allowing me to take this never-longed-for journey. I thank Him for choosing me.
Now my prayer is to continue as a survivor. More than that, though, I pray I will always, with each step I take, with every word I speak, reflect Jesus. Because no matter what it happening in your life, good or bad, He never leaves your side and He will give you the strength to keep on going even when you don't think you can take another step.
So, celebrate with me today! And continue to keep me in your prayers as I go for my quarterly exam next week and my annual mammogram at the end of the month. We will always cling to the words of my sweet friend who is in heaven now, "God's got this!"
Thank you, friends, for being there. You are not taken for granted and are deeply appreciated. Here's to a lifetime of adventure!
Friday, January 6, 2017
A New Year and a New Word
Where does the time go? I remember being young and carefree. Running and playing in the neighborhood. Barbies and Easy Bake Ovens and pedal cares and bike rides. Girl Scouts and GAs. It really does seem like yesterday.
But here I am with the reality that 60 is looming just over the horizon. How in the world did I get to be almost 60?!?!
This rapid passing of time only serves to remind me how precious life is. How important it is that I not let any adventure pass me by.
So, as 2017 approached and dawned I thought about my resolutions. I'm really no good at resolutions. Unlike my friend who reviews hers at the end of the year to see what she accomplished, mine are quickly either failed or forgotten. That's why I didn't make any resolutions this year.
Since I'm trying to stay young, I decided to do what I've seen the young folks doing and choose a word for my year. I did not take this decision lightly. It was much harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to have the right word. Not just a word I saw someone else use. Not a word that would be too easy to live up to. I wanted a word to push me forward. A word that would help me welcome a better me.
What word did I choose? Deliberate. In my humble opinion it is the best word for the new year. I will deliberately live my life. I won't spend my time tossed about aimlessly by circumstances and other people's opinions. I won't waste my time doing things that have no matter or lasting impact on this world. I won't find myself suddenly thinking, "Why am I doing this?"
At least that's the plan. The plan is to live deliberately. Making choices that are for the best of myself and anyone around me. Opting for healthier choices. Breaking some habits that have wasted my time away and building new habits that will develop into a better me. Reading more. Eating better. Walking. Not to get too crazy, but maybe even some yoga! In all honesty, deliberately choosing to do the things that would have been on my list of resolutions had a made one.
It's day six of this new year, and I have been trying to be deliberate. I, however, much like Paul, find myself saying - oh, that I would do the things I want to do and not do the things I don't want to do!
But tomorrow's another day. And like the twins say, "His mercies are new every Monday!" Being that tomorrow is Saturday, I am thankful His mercies are new every MORNING! How will you live out 2017? I hope that in 359 more days I will be able to look back and see the good result of living deliberately!
But here I am with the reality that 60 is looming just over the horizon. How in the world did I get to be almost 60?!?!
This rapid passing of time only serves to remind me how precious life is. How important it is that I not let any adventure pass me by.
So, as 2017 approached and dawned I thought about my resolutions. I'm really no good at resolutions. Unlike my friend who reviews hers at the end of the year to see what she accomplished, mine are quickly either failed or forgotten. That's why I didn't make any resolutions this year.
Since I'm trying to stay young, I decided to do what I've seen the young folks doing and choose a word for my year. I did not take this decision lightly. It was much harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to have the right word. Not just a word I saw someone else use. Not a word that would be too easy to live up to. I wanted a word to push me forward. A word that would help me welcome a better me.
What word did I choose? Deliberate. In my humble opinion it is the best word for the new year. I will deliberately live my life. I won't spend my time tossed about aimlessly by circumstances and other people's opinions. I won't waste my time doing things that have no matter or lasting impact on this world. I won't find myself suddenly thinking, "Why am I doing this?"
At least that's the plan. The plan is to live deliberately. Making choices that are for the best of myself and anyone around me. Opting for healthier choices. Breaking some habits that have wasted my time away and building new habits that will develop into a better me. Reading more. Eating better. Walking. Not to get too crazy, but maybe even some yoga! In all honesty, deliberately choosing to do the things that would have been on my list of resolutions had a made one.
It's day six of this new year, and I have been trying to be deliberate. I, however, much like Paul, find myself saying - oh, that I would do the things I want to do and not do the things I don't want to do!
But tomorrow's another day. And like the twins say, "His mercies are new every Monday!" Being that tomorrow is Saturday, I am thankful His mercies are new every MORNING! How will you live out 2017? I hope that in 359 more days I will be able to look back and see the good result of living deliberately!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)