Before you start reading this, I must tell you there is so much going through my brain that I want to share with you, I pray it comes out clearly and isn't a massive jumble of words and thoughts!
It's been almost two months since our life took another unexpected turn. It was February 18th when I went for what I expected to be a routine mammogram, ended up in ultrasound, and then had a biopsy. Then on March 8th I had the surgery to remove the second round of cancer from my body.
I want you to know I have no regrets. In fact, I am quite relieved. The cancer is gone. There is little chance of it returning because this time we found it super early and there were no lymph nodes involved. But you know all that.
I want to share with you today a little bit about how God has used this in my life. I'll be very honest. My first question was, really? Why? I had just made my five year mark from my first diagnosis. One of my doctors had even released me the week before because I had done so well. This time God chose to answer my question as to why.
I was reading my Bible a couple of weeks ago and came across a section of scripture I've read often over the years. That day, however, it came to life for me in a way I had never experienced. Don't you love it when that happens?! It was like God had a spotlight shining on it and a big flashing arrow pointing to it so that I wouldn't miss it. Here's the scripture:
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Paul goes on to say that he had been going through some particularly tough afflictions. He was going through something so bad that he was in fear of his life...
Verse 9-10 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.
When I read that my heart rejoiced! I knew God was speaking to me. You see, there is one thing we cannot control. Well, two. Death and taxes. I can't control when I will die or what will kill me. Will it be cancer? A car wreck? Old age? (That topic's getting a little touchy since I will be 60! in a couple of weeks.) Influenza? A random accident? A blood clot? Who knows? Only God. He knows the days of my life as well as he knows every cell of my body. He knows the plans he has for me.
And a second battle with cancer was in his plan. His plan is that I go through this again so I can reach out to tell you my story. I apologize now if you get tired of hearing it, but it's what he has given me. By telling my story other women (and men) will be encouraged. He has comforted me....I am to comfort the people I meet.
Almost from the moment I received my diagnosis on February 20th a song started running through my thoughts. It's an old song. One of those seasonal hymns we sang in the old days when a missionary was coming to speak or when someone was leaving to go to Africa. (Because when I was little it seemed like anyone who was going to missions was going to Africa or somewhere equally as remote and far away.)
The song goes like this:
Verse 1
We've a story to tell to the nations,
That shall turn their hearts to the right,
A story of truth and mercy,
A story of peace and light,
A story of peace and light.
Refrain
For the darkness shall turn to dawning,
And the dawning to noonday bright;
And Christ's great kingdom shall come on earth,
The kingdom of love and light.
So, my friend, let me say this, it's all in how we look at it. Would I have chosen this journey again? Well, no. Yet, here I am. And I realize this journey will never be over, for it is the path chosen for me by my Savior. The path I am to walk to reflect his peace and light to the world around me. For only when you have walked through something that causes you to know you are not the one in control will you experience the peace and light. It is a peace that honestly and truthfully surpasses all understanding. I can't explain it to you. It's an experience that cannot be shared with words. I also know that I know that God's light is shining on my path. He gave me that promise in Psalm 119.
So, what are you going through? Cancer? Maybe not, but I can promise you that if you turn to the Lord and rely on him, he will comfort you.
In case you're wondering, this surgery hasn't been an awful recovery, but I've had some struggles. I developed a seroma and have had a couple weeks of trying to keep this fluid drained out of my body. I haven't felt well, and I have stayed on the couch a lot. Tomorrow I think we will finally take this drain out. And then the final stage of my healing can begin!
Now that I've said all that, what I want to leave with you is this. I want you to know I trust the Lord completely and he has comforted me in beautiful and glorious ways over the last couple of months. He has heard your prayers. He has held my hand when things weren't going like I wanted them to go. I want you to know my hope is in the name of the Lord who made heaven and earth. There is nothing I can do to change my situation. I can't undo the cancer. For today, though, I choose to live the best life I can, even in the hardest of times. I rely on God, because I can't do anything about it even if I tried.
Finally, I want you to know this, I give him glory for giving me another chance to say, "Thank you, God, for choosing me."
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